instead

Long are the days,

Even longer still the nights.

As I think of all the ways,

You have left me in my fright.

Abandonment, rejection,

The things you’ve given me,

So that you wouldn’t feel,

Their weight or their sting.

Afraid to face your pain,

You let me bear it instead,

You escaped with your life,

As you left me here for dead. 

in a tree

On the edge of the woods,

She sits in a tree.

A perspective the house,

Isn’t tall enough to see. 

Her knife cuts the trunk,

Where she carves out a name.

The tree holds the letters,

And doesn’t complain.

Branches like arms,

Are holding her high.

She stares at the bark,

Through watery eyes.

No one’s below,

It’s quiet up there.

So she sings a little song,

To the wind in the air.

She waits for the sun,

To fade underneath.

Then makes the descent,

She can’t live in a tree.

do not speak

Do not speak to me of joy,

Do not utter words of peace.

Let my heart lament,

Let me enter into grief.

Do not point now to the good,

Do not tell me to be strong.

The tears that blur my eyes,

Only filter what went wrong.

You live above the clouds,

Encouraged by the light.

But dark surrounds me now,

I know only of the night.

Do not speak of courage,

Do not utter words of hope.

My ears refuse to listen,

Those words were lies you spoke.

keep my heart alive

Keep my heart alive,

It’d be easier if it died.

But what good can come, from going numb?

My heart’s already tried.

Keep my heart bleeding,

Even if I’m barely breathing.

Though I’d rather sit, and call it quits,

Keep my heart beating.

Keep my heart awake,

Even if it’s just to break.

A little farther, help me father,

I fear it is too late. 

sleep

It’s time for me to rest,

It’s time for some relief.

The time when my mind,

Can finally sleep.

But that’s all changed now,

That’s no longer the case.

If I’m looking for rest,

That’s no longer the place.

It should be my solace,

Where one can find peace.

But that gift was taken,

And stolen from me.

Now it’s full of things,

Like unknowns and “what if”s,

Like memories and pains,

Questions, and guesses. 

I long for my rest,

I long for release.

Now it’s just a bed,

Where I once used to sleep.

void

Restore unto me,

That which was lost.

The gift that was mine,

That was stolen and tossed.

How can I recover?

Who can renew?

Who can repair?

It has to be you.

The cavern inside,

My bottomless pit,

I fall down forever,

I’ll never reach the end of it.

How can there be light,

In a void, in a hole?

There is only night,

In my heart, in my soul. 

scraps

Father, I’m hungry,

I’m desperate to eat.

If the food on the table,

Is not meant for me,

Please give me the scraps,

That fall underneath.

For I struggle to feel,

As though I deserve,

The rights to heal,

When others are worse.

So please, by all means,

Heal them, they need it.

When the table is clean,

I’ll take what’s beneath it.

river grief

This river of grief,

So wide and so deep.

Rushing, overwhelming,

Waves pound and they beat.

I drown in this water,

Completely consumed.

Underneath these rapids,

I plummet, entombed.

I can’t rise above,

The pull is too great.

Lungs without air,

Yet my life it won’t take.

mirror

No one is as cruel,

As the girl in the mirror.

She says the rudest things,

As she looks on in horror.

Her words full of scorn,

She’s vicious and she’s vile.

She won’t even hesitate,

To ridicule my smile.

It’s hard to imagine,

Anyone so mean.

But she points and she says,

That she hates everything.

I’ve known her for so long,

I’m used to her by now.

But it seems as of late,

She’s become rather loud.

She makes new discoveries,

She finds things to hate.

Her eyes that search me,

Are filled with disdain.

She’s harsh to my face,

Like she doesn’t even care.

She knows I can hear her,

She sees me standing there.

Sometimes it’s a whisper,

Sometimes she will scream.

But no matter how she says it,

It’s only ever mean.

I’ve tried to find a different girl,

To look back at me.

But no matter the mirror,

The same girl I always see.

think less

Please catch all my sorrows,

Please gather my tears.

I’m afraid if you don’t,

I’ll be forever stuck here.

This place is too sad,

And I’m all by myself.

Grab hold of my memories,

And quiet my doubts.

I’m surrounded by hurts,

My heart is so troubled.

I’ve tried to escape,

But you know how I’ve struggled.

Where do I go now?

I’m lost on this journey.

Come find me, my love,

I’m broken and hurting.

Come save me from,

Myself and my mind.

The thoughts that I think,

Are cruel and unkind.

Please set me straight,

On a path with your light.

I’ve been trapped in the dark,

And I’ve lost all my sight,

Of your hope and your joy,

They feel so far off.

Can you bring me these things,

Can you make them my thoughts?

Come be with me here,

You’re all that I need.

Help me think about you,

And think less about me.

rock hard

Hard as a rock,

I’m cold and I’m tough.

My insides are just like my outsides,

They’re rough.

Solid and stoic,

You can’t make me move.

Set here for good,

I don’t budge, I refuse. 

Sharp to the touch,

I cannot be shifted.

Weighing too much,

Too much to be lifted.

Just leave me alone,

Get going, get gone.

You can’t get to me,

You need to move on.

tears

You say you collect,

Every tear that is cried,

But what about the ones,

Still stuck down inside?

My sadness is broken,

The tears just won’t come,

Swallowed long ago,

When my sadness went numb.

What if my tears,

Turned themselves into smiles?

Both now are lost,

To incessant denials. 

Neither will come forth,

They no longer trust,

Me or my emotions,

So they both stay stuck.